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Wednesday, January 27, 2010

I am so sad :(

I don't really know what to do. I should be sleeping right now because I have not had much sleep and Brooke-Lynn will be up soon but I can't. My Grandma passed away a few years ago and I started thinking about her earlier. About how she used to watch me in the mornings when my Mom went to work before I had to go to school. Every morning she would make me breakfast. Every morning her house would smell like coffee and eggs. She always made them exactly how I liked them, egg whites only fried well. I miss her so much and I cannot stop crying. I know people lose loved ones every day but it is so hard. I do not have many people I can talk to. My Mom called and I think I made her cry a little too, I do not want to make her sad. I live in a little city pretty far away from everyone I know. I still go see my parents every couple of weeks or so but that is not enough. It is so rough. I stay home with the kids all day so I do not get to talk to many adults. My and Jimmy, we try so hard to make it but we still struggle every day. I feel like we are going to be stuck here forever. There is no hope of us buying a home so we can be closer to our family, we went and talked with a mobile home place not too long ago and they pretty much laughed at us. They told us if we wanted a house we would need at the very least $10,000 down, and that would just get us a refurbished trailer, that, as he said, is "just legal enough" for them to sell again. This sucks. I know people struggle and I know we have it better than a lot of people. I try to help people when I can but I do not feel like I make much of a difference in this world. Everywhere I turn there is something bringing us down. About a year ago we weren't doing too bad. Jimmy was making enough money for us to pay our bills and have a little food in the house. Now, Jimmy's pay got cut to almost minimum wage, and he is a welder. He hates it because he feels like he doesn't provide for our family. Our bills barely get paid and we never have enough left for food. When I do get orders, I usually spend too much on groceries then struggle to even ship out the items that got ordered. I feel like I am failing at this diaper cake thing but I love doing it. I know I sound like a big cry baby but I do not care. I thought we finally had a big break when we had a chance to move into my Great-Grandma's old house, but it was snatched away from us by someone who is much better off than we are. Life is just so unfair. I feel like a lot of this is my fault because I don't have a "real" job, but even if I did we wouldn't make enough to pay for daycare, gas, etc... so it's a waste even trying. I honestly do not know if anyone really reads this blog. I see there are visitors, but they never leave a mark, a comment, a thank you for giving me the info I was looking for, nothing. If you are reading this please let me know. It would make me feel not so alone. I am going to try to get some sleep now, if you read this, thank you, and I promise my next post will not be so sad.

12 comments:

Jessica&Madison said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Jessica&Madison said...

wendy...it is hard times but i know you can and will get through it! I love you and glad you are one of my friends! We do need to get together soon!

i deleted my other comment cause i misspelled a couple of words :P

Sassy8722 said...

Aww Jessica I love you too and I cannot wait to see you again and meet little Madison! :-)

Linda's Hair Candy said...

I LOVE YOU WENDY WITH ALL MY HEART ALWAYS AND FOREVER AND EVER AND EVER!!!!!!

Sassy8722 said...

Aww love you too Linda! :-)

Sylvia Neris said...

I just happened to run across your website cause my daughter is having her 2nd child in late July and I am looking for ideas for her baby shower that I will give her in June. Then I went on to read your blog. YES, people do read your blog and I just don't know why they don't leave a comment. I am very facinated with your website and admire a person like you that IS a hard worker and my dear...you DO have a JOB....it may not pay you much now but I think that if you stick to it you will do good in the long run and someday you will look back at this and you too will be amazed at how GOD is guiding you and keeping you under His care!! I know that this "Sad" day was several months ago and I bet you that things have probably changed for the better by now...at least I hope so!! You amaze me and I don't know how old you are but I admire your ambition...JUST KEEP THE FAITH! God will see you and your family thru this...that is for SURE!!! Keep up the good work and may your business BLOSSOME!!! Stay focused and always stay motivated (for your children).NEVER GIVE UP!! I am on facebook if you ever want to invite me as a friend. My email is myavonhomebiz@yahoo.com that way you can look me up. God's richest blessing!!! Sylvia

Sassy8722 said...

Thank you so much for taking the time to come here and post. It really means a lot to me. I have also added you as a friend on Facebook. Thanks again! :-)

Anonymous said...

Hi Wendy, Since it is 5 months since you posted I hope things are better and you are not too sad anymore. It sounds like you have beautiful children and a husband who loves you. I know money issues can cause problems and that losing a loved one can make you sad. We lost our 9 yeare old daughter, our only child to leukemia just over a year ago. Money has never been a problem for me until last month when I lost my job and now I have some health issues which may or may not be serious. I cry almost every day but my wife and me will not give up and you should not either. If you and your husband work hard and keep your spending under control (resist the temptation to fall into debt) in time you will have enough money. Your children are the most important think in you life, love them and cherish them, material things are meaningless with out a loving family.

Sassy8722 said...

Hello and thank you so much for taking the time to comment here. Yes, things have gotten better, after they got worse. We have moved closer to our families after my husband lost his job in March and then we struggled more than ever. He just got a good job and honestly it still seems too good to be true. We have not caught up yet from being so broke but we are happy and our kids are happy so that's all that matters. Thanks again and I hope your health issues are not serious are resolved quickly.

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Anonymous said...

I agree with Sylvia. I wish I would have left a comment a long time ago when I visited this page. I am a military wife and people think we have all this money ...that is bs we are on the poverty line in most cases. I LOVE to do unique hobbies and after I had our daughter I thought the idea of dipaer cakes was so neat...I found your page and realized there was so much more to be done. I have been all over the net in an effort to learn more and make these as well. I think because I am isolated around the area we live and it gives me something to do that I enjoy...and possibly I can do to earn a few extra dollars.

Alliyah Mae Lim said...

Lil' Baby Cakes take pride in making sure every diaper cake we create is infused with originality and an uncompromising commitment to each new Mom's special day.

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